On hiatus for an indefinite period. Not sure if this will continue, only time will tell. If you'd like to get in touch with me, please use the 'contact me' form. Its been a fun (and interesting) ride. Cheerio! Xoxo
I had my 26th birthday on Tuesday. And, I decided to make this site...PINK. Dont ask me why, i felt in a bit of a pinky mood. Plus its as un-"professional" as you can get, which is kinda what im going for. Just a little bit sick of corporate professionalism right now. Also, its the colour of luuurrve, fun and play. ;)
I've always found it intriguing how warm colours are considered unprofessional and childish and grey and black professional. Its almost as if being depressed with life is a societal norm of being "professional". Instead, to me that seems like stupidity and an un-awareness (yay, i think I just made up a word) that your emotional state and feelings directly effect your reality. That mixed with ego-fears of disappointment. Anyway, I rant... Warm colours actually warm your soul. The energetic vibrations of different colours go such a long way in changing your own vibration. So, soak it all up friends! :) Til next time... xx Theres definitely some weird s**** going on these days, thats all I have to say. I've now been in two separate instances of being faced with promising 'spiritual' or healing modalities. As im currently looking into all sorts of healing practices, they seemed interesting. But something about them didnt agree with me. First of all, the people who presented them/ran the courses were just...weird. They didnt sit right with me. Second, they get the people who they've 'trained up' to spread the word, sometimes being obnoxious and bossy about it in the process. I woudnt be suprised if these were cults, to say the least. Im just putting this out there in case people come across things like this, to really question if it feels right to you, and if it doesnt, listen to yourself. There's some crazy stuff out there that claim to solve your problems, but the fact is that if you call on *anyone else* except for God, or Source, you're probably calling on a being thats masquerading as something else i.e. a negative entity. Theres just too much risk out there when it comes to the non-physical to take that chance. What I know right now is what ive experienced, what i physically FEEL. When I call on the Angels, God/Source or my Spirit Guides, I instantly get a beautiful, comfortable tingling feeling, NOT a negative energy. They never tell me what to do. They never suck my energy - only fill me with hope and love energy, always. Of course, a negative spirit can play dress-up if they want and give you positive vibes. So I think its very important right now to just address God, the Angels, Source, or your Guides. No-one else. We're going through a significant phase of transition and theres a lot going on, the last thing we need is more people who honestly want to expand getting caught up in this.
I dont want to scare anyone, because that would just make you more vulnerable to being in contact with negative energies, but i want people like me who are searching and looking deeper into truth to be aware, and to listen to and trust their gut and their feelings. :) Its hard to know what to believe these days, so its best to still use your judgment, but at the same time, be open, because we already know life is not necessarily all that we can logically explain. Sorry that was a bit of a negative post, but i think it needed to be said. I've had a few instances now of quite fishy practices that seemed promising enough. Just remember that you can heal yourself. OR, you can always call on God or the Angels to heal you and your thoughts or beliefs. You dont NEED to know a special fancy practice or technique to connect with Source or to ask for help to heal - Its your birthright! Lots of love and blessings to everyone! Do you have this problem? Are you often around people or in situations that are auto-running at lower vibrational energies to yours and feel completely drained afterwards? I sure do! In fact, Im totally drained right now. I just got back from an errands escapade with the parental unit for a few hours and am completely worn out. I know how this is happening, I know why this is happening, but when they are in my energy space, its like a hurricane just came through the door and Im caught in it, unable to break free. How can I, and anyone else, prevent this from occuring?
Why does this happen? FIrst of all, in my situation, its just one all-encompassing word: EGO. When the ego is allowed to rule and let loose, it automatically blocks the flow of love energy, which is a naturally higher vibrational E. So when you're living so wrapped up in ego-consciousness, you're naturally functioning at a lower vibrational energy, which can be quite tiring for people who are, or are attempting to live at higher vibrational energies like love, peace, joy, etc. For example, competing with other egos, criticising (which makes your ego feel stronger and more "secure" - after all, remember that all of this is just insecurity of the self!), ridiculing others and complaining (either about non-present people or to the people you are with). These activities all lower your energy field and block the flow of love between people. And guess what - I get sucked in to the game also. Why? I honestly dont know, I know Im doing it, buts its bloody hard for me not to!! Part of it is habitual - those nasty habits and ways of being you've developed with certain people, like its programmed in you to act a certain way with those people. Mine is usually aggressiveness, defensiveness and a general negative/sarcastic/critical attitude, which is usually the "status-quo" in my family's way of living and interacting with each other. Unfortunately, my natural state of feeling and being is quite drastically different, as I'm naturally quite a dreamy, positive and idealistic character - which is why its so hard for me to be in that state! So for me, its partly habitual and past programming, partly self-protective behaviour. Generally, criticism does it for me. A few harsh comments and put-downs and I'm easily hurt and running scared, which is just my insecure ego reacting, and in order for it to protect itself, it starts following suit. And as soon as my ego takes over the driving wheel, its bye-bye the higher peaceful vibrational state that I was in before that, when I wasnt controlled by my ego!! See you later, alligator. How do we stop this from happening? Im still trying to work that out. Im able to control it with most other relationships, but with my family its a grey zone and I'm still very fuzzy. How do you handle your "superiors" (or rather, those that think they are your superiors, for no soul is more superior than another), in a "right and wrong" context (for that doesnt exist either)? I still get sucked into the trap of the "put-downs" and feel the need to put up a defensive negative attitude, which completely drains me of my energy! I usually also get headaches when I'm around people like this, which only makes me even more cranky! Of course, prevention is better than cure! I know of a few techniques to create "energetic boundaries" to stop yourself from taking in others energy (Im an emotional empath, so this is definitely a reality for me) and preventing energy drain. If you would like to learn more about this, just let me know and I'll probably do another post on this specifically. But what if we cant prevent, for whatever reason? i.e. we cant act all "higher-vibrational" and cool around some irritated people - that just makes them even more pissed off and likely to start attacking you even further, and it just becomes a vicious cycle! :P Sometimes the techniques i've learnt just aren't practical to my situation or the type of relationship I have. Or, we need to be around energy drainers like members of our family, work colleagues, or random people we meet in day-to-day life? We cant possibly control every single person we spent time and energy with throughout each day - it just doesnt work that way. Of course if we can prevent it, thats great, but what if we cant? Some of my band-aids to re-raise my E to the happy place again!!! :P 1) Listen to music - does it for me!! And soothing, happy music that re-connects you to your deeper feelings. DONTS: No depressing, unhappy music or music addressing complex emotions and problems please. Im sometimes tempted to get into this, I have slightly masochistic tendencies. Thats all you need right now to keep yourself in a lower vibrational state! Unless you want to be, that is. Then go for it! It can sometimes be quite fun! :P 2) Surround yourself with some inspirational spiritual information thats of a higher frequency - whatever's floating your boat. For example watching some you tube videos or reading some literature on spiritual folk who are working their lives at higher vibrations - for example i just finished watching Doreen Virtue's oracle card of the day video that was posted on my facebook, and it took me back into a place of love and peace, like propping you back up on the mountain where you can observe whats happening clearer and from a higher vantage point. Brought me back to a place of higher understanding. Not saying its "right", its just my understanding; the truth that resonates better with me. :) You can also visit http://spiritlibrary.com and have a snoop around what they've got posted there. I got back to my computer completely flustered and checked my facebook (as you do) and saw the awesome post by Doreen explaining the oracle card "following your dreams", and wonderful Paulo Cohelo posting the comment directly underneath on my news feed "if you can dream you can do". I was also getting heaps of number sequences. Hmm, you think my angels were trying to tell me something? ;-) Damn I love my spirit guides and angels and how they know how to communicate with me. <3 3) Do stuff that you enjoy. That makes you feel good again - about yourself, and about life. Im usually feeling pretty crap about myself after a parental meeting! So I try to do things Im good at - that gives my ego a little boost - after all, we all have egos, and probably will continue to until we ascend to a higher level of consciousness, so take that in your stride and work with it! Just make sure you keep your ego in check, so you dont become one of the energy suckers you're trying so hard to recover from in the first place!! 3) Meditate, if you're up for it. Dont try it if you're totally flustered or worn out though...i usually find no point in meditating when Im in such an emotionally frazzled state. But each to their own, so try it and see, you might be able to raise your vibration that way. 4) Another technique im learning from my psychic awakening course with Anna Conlan is to ask the angels or ascended masters to help you to "raise your vibration" - this is a more "feely" one and a bit more flaky or "woo-woo" for some people, so if you dont believe in angels or higher vibrational entities you might not want to try out this one. :) Just putting it out there as a suggestion though. If you'd like to know more about this just let me know and I'll give you directions. ;) I probably wouldn't do this either though, as I usually have to get my emotions and energy sorted to a certain level before i start communicating with spirit. I guess its just a fear of mine that if im in a really negative vibrational state, I'll attract more negative entities, and if im frazzled or really drained, i probably wont be able to concentrate enough to meditate, or ask the angels for assitance for that matter. Thats all of my pointers for now. Let me know of other methods you use to raise your vibration - i'd love to hear your thoughts! Much love, dreamy E and good vibes. ;-) xoxo I wanted to share with you something which helped me along the path of self-love. Although I am still 'in-progress' with this life lesson, as Fatboy Slim would say: "I've come a long way, baby." :-) I'm so proud of myself on how far i've come and how hard I've worked to get up to this point!! Hopefully by sharing this experience, it might give you some ideas to help you grow in confidence and give yourself the love you truly deserve! Toastmasters:
One day, my mum recommended that I take the Toastmaster's 'Speechcrafters' course, after a rather un-happy experience at Uni where I was completely flustered at having to do a very simple speech which would have usually been a breeze for me at school. My mum said it would restore my faith in myself as a good communicator, which she has always looked at me as being. I had always been good at speeches at school - although I was always nervous, something in me knew I could do this easily and that I could shine - and so I did. To me, it was a way to show people that this quiet girl had a lot more up her sleeves! ;-) However, I had begun to lose confidence in my self-expression after joining the left-brained, introverted world of engineering. I had to give less and less presentations during my degree, and my self-doubt started to run riot again and I flipped. I finished that speech feeling so disappointed in myself - I knew inside that I could have done a great speech, if I only believed in myself half as much as the others did! Doing the Toastmasters course helped me to "re-affirm" to myself that I could indeed "do it", that I hadn't "lost it", nor would I ever, as it has always been a totally natural thing for me to communicate effectively through my heart to others, when I didn't care about what they thought of me! I did my first big speech at Toastmasters on 'music addiction' - a topic thats very close to my heart! ;-) I spent ages on my writing to make sure it was a perfect representation of what I wanted to say - choc-a-bloc full of witty familial anecdotes, attention-grabbing, and spoke straight from my heart, to theirs. Naturally, they loved it! Even more importantly to me, they saw my heart in it and loved what they saw!! It showed me that people understood, resonated and celebrated with me when I spoke honestly from my heart and didnt try to fulfill their expectations of me, or cared about what they thought. My final speech was a persuasive on genetic engineering and human cloning (I was studying biomedical engineering at the time, so it was topical subject for me.) Because of exams, I couldnt do the final presentation with the rest of the workshop group, so I had to do it at an official Toastmasters meeting. Boy was I scared! A little 18 year old with the seasoned pros! But again, I finished my last word to a huge applause, huge smiles and even a standing ovation! It finally proved to me that I could indeed do this, contrary to what some people believed. A similar experience happened to me just recently, when I had to do a presentation to my management group on my graduate experience in my first year of work. Again, they were astounded that I could do such a presentation - they thought I would be meek, timid and not be able to articulate myself properly. My boss at the time actually called me 'meek' once before. I thought to myself: this was my chance to shine again, to show them who the hell I was. Well, lets just say I proved them wrong and then some. And it felt goood. ;-) What experiences, either consciously created or otherwise, helped you to develop self-love and increase your confidence? <3 A great article I found by Jonathan Mead:
http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/why-do-we-avoid-doing-what-we-love/ Found this great meditation. Definitely going to try it out soon!
Heart Chakra Meditation Heart chakra meditation is a simple technique to release sadness and fear and to bring compassion and love into your life. Sit in a comfortable position, either cross-legged on the floor or in a chair. Sit up tall with the spine straight, the shoulders relaxed and the chest open. Inhale the palms together and lightly press the knuckles of the thumbs into the sternum at the level of your heart (you should feel a little notch where the knuckles magically fit). Breathe slowly, smoothly and deeply into the belly and into the chest. Soften your gaze or lightly close the eyes. Let go of any thoughts or distractions and let the mind focus on feeling the breath move in and out of your body. Once the mind feels quiet and still, bring your focus to the light pressure of the thumbs pressing against your chest and feeling the beating of the heart. Keep this focus for one to five minutes. Next, gently release the hands and rub the palms together, making them very warm and energized. Place the right palm in the center of your chest and the left hand on top of the right. Close the eyes and feel the center of your chest warm and radiant, full of energy. See this energy as an emerald green light, radiating out from the center of your heart into the rest of your body. Feel this energy flowing out into the arms and hands, and flowing back into the heart. Stay with this visualization for one to five minutes. After you feel completely soaked with heart chakra energy, gently release the palms and turn them outwards with the elbows bent, the shoulders relaxed and the chest open. Feel or visualize the green light love energy flowing out of your palms and into the world. You can direct it towards specific loved ones in your life or to all sentient beings. To end your meditation, inhale the arms up towards the sky, connecting with the heavens, then exhale and lower the palms lightly to the floor, connecting with the earth. Take a moment or two before moving on with the rest of your day. A few days ago, I watched a TED talk by a man called Shekhar Kapur, a bollywood director. He said "We are the stories we tell ourselves". He also raised some other very interesting concepts. If you're interested you can take a look at his wonderful speech here.
This really got me thinking about the nature of stories and their connection to personal development and creativity. What are the stories you used to tell yourself, and how do they compare with your stories now? I remember all of my stories. I was called the daydreamer at school. I used to make up all sorts of stories in my head, sometimes to distract me from my real-life ones! I still do this sometimes - the act of dreaming for me helps me to keep hoping, keep finding creative solutions and possibilities. I dont know what I would have done if I weren't able to dream. I had so many stories as a child and some of them stuck, some of them didnt. Naturally some of my 'stickiest' ones were negative ones where I've tried all sorts of mediums to un-stick myself from. :) I used to see myself as a freak, an alien - on one dimension culturally; this skinny little black girl in a sea of white; and on another, I felt that my mind was just totally different. I used to think of all the reasons why I could be thinking differently from others...maybe it was the product of being raised by two SL parents with *really* different ideologies to the Western world. Maybe it was a result of my upbringing; while most of the other kids around me were attending sleepovers and parties with boys, I was stuck in my room with bars on my windows (yes, literally!) and told to study. I was protected and sheltered and controlled and like many South Asian Children, wasn't allowed much life exposure in my teens. That seemed to add to my feeling of 'freekiness'. Maybe it was a bit of both and then some, who really knows. The fact was that I was a black sheep in every place or country I moved to - I just couldn't blend in. I remember I used to walk around calling myself in my head a "shrivelled up, black prune" - I was very self-conscious about looking "different" to the majority, as I have done my whole life. I still am at times. However, I've worked on this story a lot, trying to make it more warm and fuzzy inside, but its still definitely there in the pages at the back of my mind, and still recites itself rather crudely sometimes. "You're not able to do anything. You're just a little Sri Lankan outcast immigrant girl whos always weird, what can you possibly do? You are worth less than the others around you, the ones who dont stick out like you. What do you possibly have to contribute? How could you be better at doing anything than these "normal" white folk, who are at home, with their families, who are supposed to be here? You dont belong here, who the hell are you kidding?!" These were some of my stories. They would (and still do sometimes, if i let them) go round and round in my head, day in day out. How did I develop such a crazy attitude on myself? When I write it it sounds ludicrous, but when it goes through my head every day, it seems perfectly understandable. To some extent Im still dealing with the concept of myself and how I fit in to my 'physical life' as a cultural wanderer; Im still picking up the pieces that were scattered behind my family's decisions, still trying to grapple with the stories of my parents and relatives and trying even harder with the notion that I didnt agree with a *lot* of those stories, and was trying to make up a whole new set of my own. [Note: when I talk about stories here, Im basically meaning belief systems, as the stories we tell ourselves eventually become our fundamental belief system.] Secondly, a few mis-judged perceptions and careless comments from others around me as I was growing up, for a sensitive child, would do the trick. In the beginning I was raised on these stories, they were my lifeblood and burnt into my brain - that im somehow "littler" than the people of the country I'm in at the time, that for this reason I have to "achieve" or "prove myself", and "lay low and be really really good". That we are somehow always insufficient. I can understand how my parents would have developed these stories for themselves - it comes from their experience as expatriates and of going through decades of racial prejudices. But those stories didnt serve me well when it came to my experience as a second-generation or third-culture kid (or whatever people like to call us these days!), the wanderers who dont have a home, and therefore cant be outsiders; who dont really belong anywhere. To this day, I witness my parents comfortably fitting into their 20-something year old Sri Lankan pure-skins when we go "home" for the holidays, I see them chatting jovially with my relatives in perfect Sinhalese with perfect Sinhalese behaviour, beliefs, gesticulations and humour - and I watch them from the sidelines. I sit by myself in a corner of the room and observe them all with interest, contribute a few clumsy Sinhalese phrases that I can muster from time to time, and then sit back again in silence. Sri Lankans tend to think I'm perfectly Australian anyway, and it gets tiring to keep fighting people's perceptions all the time, not to mention trying to speak my parent's mother tongue that i've never been educated in. Plus, I dont like not fitting in - it hits a very sore spot. Im continuously re-writing my stories, putting pen to paper, letting my creative juices flow - writing the warm-and-fuzzy version. They're taking a while, and turning more into novels. But they're getting there. ;) How about you? What stories are you, or were you, telling yourself in your life? I'd love to know. Please feel free to share your thoughts and experiences. Lots of love :-) The week before my reading, two things happened. Firstly, a beautiful yellow and black butterfly flew straight to my upstairs bedroom window where I was playing my guitar, and lingered around for a while, almost as if she was listening to me play, before fluttering away. I have always had a fascination with butterflies; i used to write poems about them as a child, and they have always represented the power of transformation and change to me. What a beautiful little gift from the Universe! Secondly, a really bad pain in my chest arose out of no-where as I was with my parents in the car around midday. I decided against speaking up about it, as it would have probably scared them out of their seats, but my intuition told me that Anna was doing some clearing or investigating around my heart chakra at that time.
I didnt know what to think after my Skype reading with Anna really. Part of me was still a little skeptical, even though I had been so sure that it was right for me at the time. The other part of me was a little, well... dissapointed. For the most part she told me I already knew. But then, she never really promised otherwise. Basically I already knew a lot about myself and what i needed to work on; I was just doubting it and myself so fervently and she just stepped in and confirmed it all for me. She also filled the remaining pieces of the puzzle for me "information-wise" that I had been looking for for a long time. Some of the concepts were difficult for me to accept at first, because they were so 'out there' and distant from my physical experience, but I knew what to expect since I had been so absorbed in Anna's blog and also read all about soul realignment before my reading. I was skeptical but at the same time completely fascinated with it - I just couldn't stop myself from reading about it. The concepts made perfect sense in me even though it was so out-there compared with my daily physical existence, and the thoughts and beliefs of the people around me. Below is the summarised version of what she told me: My soul's energy centre of training: "third-eye" chakra - intuition, upholder and protector of Truth, seeing past illusions, soul-urge to speak the truth of what you see, sometimes referred to as the "spiritual warrior". Soul gifts: 1) Healing - attracting 'wounded birds' 2) Inspiration - a spiritual connection that enables me to see the bigger picture and inspire and motivate others. 3) Improving and optimising things - left-brained 4) Problem-solving - finding creative solutions to people's problems 5) Compassionate & Humanitarian - in my energy field also 6) Understanding systems and processes Interesting that she picked up all my 'engineering' soul gifts. I believe its because I'd been so engrossed in learning engineering for the past 7 years or so, so it must have been quite strong in my energy field. My spiritual training: 1) Studied molecular & energetic structure of the human body - probably where my ability with systems and processes comes from. Also means I may have intuitive understanding of Reiki, EFT - any practice that moves energy around the body. 2) Studied energy bodies of certain plants and animals 3) 'Dream Master' - apparently im doing a service while im asleep! Which means I go into other peoples dreams to teach them spiritual lessons - no-wonder my dreams are so bizzare and random and don't make any sense... 4) 'Explorer soul' - star traveller, first place of incarnation was outside Earth (about 20% of population are star travellers, the rest are earthbound souls i.e. only ever been incarnated on Earth) My soul group: Blueprinter. Blueprinters were the first soul group in the "Earth experiment" of Atlantis. My sub-group is the Blueprinter Deliverers - here to remind people of that original blueprint of divine love, kindness, compassion. Empathetic, will feel a lack of love where there is one. Connection to my Higher Self: 67% subconscious connection, 59% conscious connection My Spirit Guides: I have six spirit guides in my inner circle. My Life Lessons: Primary: self-determination - doing what is right for you regardless of what others think you should do - 55% complete Secondary: self-love Leaking energy: Two chakras were leaking energy - heart and throat Heart chakra - self acceptance, self-love. Throat - speaking one's mind, self-expression She did some clearing around these chakras and gave me some homework to do for 21 days. Energetic programs: I also had 'programs' or energies in my chakras that matched up with particular negative occurances in my life. I had a program of 'obedience' at my throat chakra that started when I was 17, that stopped me from saying what I really thought. It was like a 'people pleasing' program. When i was 17, I was in first year university studying something I had no passion for whatsoever. I was hopelessly depressed and felt stuck. I had a major eruption with my dad and I was told to 'shut up and be grateful'; he also said he was ashamed that I was his daughter and an "animal" and hit me and threw me onto the floor. I was really affected by this and I felt totally worthless, it crushed any remaining self-worth that I had and it brought on a downward spiral for me which i still don't like talking about. Well, it looks like I took those words seriously! :P Once i grew older and especially joined the workforce, having this program was horribly frustrating for me - especially when I'd been trained in the third-eye chakra and could see the truth behind all the crap. She told me that its just due to experiences I've had in this lifetime and doesn't define me, as at a soul level I'm actually a spiritual warrior. Timidity: I also had the energy of "timidity" that started when I was 23 (when I started work at my current job). Being too flexible, letting other people define your worth, and may be too much understanding for those types of people. I don't think the obedience program really helped me out much with this either. Intimidation: I also had the energy of 'intimidation' at my heart and throat chakras that was making me loose energy. She asked if I've ever been overpowered in my life. Past life incarnations: The energy of intimidation at my heart chakra has been reactivated in this lifetime from a previous incarnation in France several lifetimes ago. Apparently I was a woman who's parents died and I was being raised by devoutly religious Catholic grandparents, who believed that if you deny/abuse the self in this life you will reap the benefits in Heaven. The energy was like "whipping yourself", and wasn't exactly a very nice energy to have at your heart chakra! People who have this energy in their heart chakras usually dont treat themselves very nicely. This really mirrors back to my experience in this lifetime. Obviously, this is a spiritual lesson that I need to learn. :) So there you have it. Its a huge amount of information to digest in one session. I do highly recommend this reading if you have questions in your mind surrounding who you really are or your purpose for being here. Maybe you have felt lost or alone and wondered what you're supposed to do here on Earth. I sure have, and it seems that many startravellers feel this way. I am planning to take the soul realignment course to become a soul realignment practitioner myself, so watch this space if you're interested in having a reading. :-) Much love to you (and me!), A. I thought I should start this blog with my story leading up to its birth. I felt inclined to write about my experience, more for myself to get it all out in the open and close off a Chapter. So here it is.
This has indeed been a crazy few months. Around late last year i "re-united" with my ex, and by that i mean we started talking again and decided to be "close friends". We seemed to do a lot of deciding around at that time, probably to try and make up for last time, because we also decided, rather spontaneously, to take trip together in Asia for about a month. I went to Sri Lanka with my family first to visit my rellies as usual; he joined me there (while my folks treated him like an Australian Prince :P) then jetted off to Thailand, Cambodia and Vietnam, ending right where I began; Hong Kong. It was a strange experience to say the least. Through constant quarrels and silly little immature ego-fights of the "i know something you don't, you're so stupid" variety, not to mention the constant put-downs and ridicule, i was weary and emotionally exhausted, and wondered secretly how I got into all this. Now don't get me wrong - I did have some very enjoyable and memorable experiences on that trip. One being singing a two part harmony of 'Woods' by Bon Iver in our tiny box-room in Hong Kong (great acoustics i must say). But all along it felt as if i was in a constant fight; me reinforncing my psychic walls with cement, he axing away at them and trying to convince himself that "slow and steady wins the race". He is an incredibly decent and beautiful guy - just our energies are entirely different and don't match. We try and try, but no matter how much we both want to, we just couldn't seem to connect. Theres a distinct division that could never be filled - no matter how much he "develops" himself or tries to "grow" into me (his words, which for my experience makes it all the more heartbreaking). [Side note: He told me that after meeting me he grew so much, and thus he was scared to 'lose me'. Maybe my role was to simply be a growth catalyst and this is why he came to me. And my job was already done. His was to teach me to respect & value myself, but more on that later.] Nearing the end of our trip, while listening to my mp3 player (note to self, must put happier music on mp3) he burst into tears and dramatically exclaimed "I've wasted two years of my life". Ouch. Talk about being hurtful and just a bit selfish. But I simply comforted him. I know his character - and there wasn't much of a point in doing otherwise. "You're born in this flashy, showy city and I'm born in some bogan town in Northern NSW". That pretty much sums it up; we come from two entirely different ends of the spectrum, with completely different sets of life experiences, influences and cultural and religious backgrounds. I got a call two days before I was due to return to Australia from a frantic colleague informing me that my landlord "cant guarantee the safety of my belongings". I scratched my head. I then proceeded to try and contact her. Apparently, she decided to kick everyone out of the house, and even more apparently, none of my flatmates bothered to inform me of this slightly daunting news. I returned home exhausted and headed straight for my house to pack up my belongings and move back to my parents house, which just months before, I ran away from in a heaty, hurtful dispute. I was confused, unhappy and frightened of what may lie ahead (will my relationship with my parents bubble up into a toxic emotional explosion like it did before? And if so, where would i go then? Who did I really have to turn to?) It was still two weeks before I was due to return to my even more bleak, grey-office government job. I researched frantically on anything and everything I could get my curious little mouse on that would restore my hope and give me meaning, that could somehow help me move on in life, to fill up the empty, hopeless feeling that so prevalently takes over me at all the worst possible moment. Like the ones where I really need to muster up all the hope I can get and confidently take a step forward. I came across the fan page of a man who added me on Facebook a while ago that I hadn't previously paid much attention to, who claimed to do soul realignment readings and clearings. I hadn't heard of such a thing before and my naturally skeptic engineering mind went into first gear. But I could certainly use a "clearing" and definitely a "realignment", I thought to myself. Unfortunately I had a bit of a 'spat' with him and decided he wasnt exactly the best person for me to get such a personal reading from. Nevertheless, the more I read up on these readings, the more I was drawn into it. It seemed to answer exactly the types of questions I had been asking my whole life, and particularly within the last two years of it. My gut told me I had come across this at the right time and I just hadn't found the right person to do a reading for me yet. I researched Soul Realignment and its practitioners until I came across this lovely lady. I read from her blog that she was the same age as me, English, had just left Brisbane (darn!), and had been living in New Zealand and Spain. I found the little synchronicities and mirroring life paths to be a bit too much of a coincidence and within a few days I booked a reading with her for a Soul Realignment and clearing without another thought. And the rest, as they say, is history. Haha. No really, Part 2 continues in my next post. :D |